Гуляй, Гроза!

Любовь на тропе войны… моя любовь

Сумасшедшая любовь вопреки всему миру.

Шёпот за спиной, сплетни, звонки с угрозами… и роскошь встреч без сна до утра, холод в груди от его взгляда, мурашки по спине от его прикосновения… слёзы – не знаю чего – радости или печали…

У меня муж, у него – своя семья, ребёнок… у нас никакого будущего! Я не стану разрушать семью, ни за что, никогда. Вот сегодня увижу его и скажу, что между нами всё кончено, да и не было ничего… просто сон.

Вот его глаза, его тёплая и необычно нежная рука. Ни у кого нет таких рук. Зачем он так смотрит?

Я молчу. Не помню, что хотела сказать…

Почему я снова не сказала? Почему не смогла?

Русская рулетка. Маленький городок, общие коллеги на работе, все всё знают, хихикают за спиной и показывают пальцами. А я настолько счастлива, что плевать хотела на всех! Я не хожу, а летаю над землёй. На прямой вопрос мужа, которому уже давно всё доложили, я, бесстрастно глядя в глаза, бессовестно вру, не моргнув глазом. И иду на свидание! С ним… с тем, о ком думаю, кого хочу здесь и сейчас, а потом… будет потом, когда-нибудь в другой жизни.

Не возвращаюсь домой ночевать.

Из клуба в клуб до самого утра.

Чужие квартиры

Холодный город

…и жаркий страстный невообразимый секс!

Сплетни, угрозы, насмешки, серьёзные разговоры со всеми, кто считал себя в праве эти разговоры вести… обещания убить… его, меня, а потом себя – я смеюсь в лицо и говорю: «Давай!»

Мне так хорошо, что можно и умереть. Никогда я не была так счастлива! Это должно было закончится так же стремительно, как и началось. Я знала это, я не ждала ничего, просто наслаждалась любовью, хотя никто не говорил о любви. Я любила, дарила любовь и летала над землёй.

Не было женщины, даже среди моих подруг, которая меня бы не ненавидела. Самые близкие просто осуждали и пытались «наставить на путь истинный», остальные называли «шлюхой», поглядывая из-за угла холодными прищуренными глазами и плевались ядом.

Все мужчины считали меня такой же доступной, какой называли женщины. Каждый пытался в меру своей воспитанности или распущенности предложить мне секс, а самые «простые» – просто взять самому. А как же они удивлялись после моего отказа или отпора? И почему-то утверждались в мысли, что я всё-таки проститутка, но, видимо, дорогая. Смешно.

А моя жизнь разрывалась между двумя мужчинами… просто на куски.

И я уехала в мой любимый и самый желанный город.

Всего лишь на несколько дней. Подумать.

…и за мной поехал только один из них.

…и сделал большую глупость – он сказал «люблю тебя!»… просто так, без каких-либо ожиданий и ответных признаний. Люблю, потому что люблю, потому что хочу любить.

И я поверила.

И уехала ещё дальше, к морю. Одна. Подумать сильнее. Хотя в душе уже понимала, что назад дороги нет.

Разговоры, разговоры, бесконечные разговоры. Бессонные ночи, исписанные листы. Если бы я не писала, меня просто разорвало бы от мыслей, чувств и эмоций. Их нужно было куда-то девать, во что-то трансформировать, изливать.

Мой поезд прибывал в шесть утра, было холодно, промозгло, моросил мелкий дождь, на перроне не было никого… только он! Без зонта, душа нараспашку, мокрые волосы, ресницы, безумно счастливая улыбка, огромный, просто необъятный, букет роз и…

«Я же сказал, что ты будешь моей! Поехали домой, я снял для нас квартиру»

С того холодного утра прошло уже пять лет.

Многое было: болезненные разводы, скандалы, моя мама в больнице, его отец выгоняет из дома, друзья отворачиваются, сохранение отношений с его ребёнком вопреки мнению всех родственников, но с моей помощью, переезд в город мечты, новые работы, новые жизни, новые вызовы.

Тернистый путь наших отношений начался так трудно и местами опасно, что остальные препятствия и неурядицы кажутся просто мелкими недоразумениями. Я знаю, что мы сможем всё, если будем вместе, а вместе мы быть хотим.

 

Ах да, любимый, я люблю тебя!

83 Комментарии

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