Любовь в моей жизни

Любовь к мужчине это много, это очень много, особенно, когда она обрушивается внезапно и поглощает с головой. Ты бросаешься в эту бурю эмоций, вспыхивая как факел и сгорая дотла вместе с сожжёнными мостами в прошлое.

Это прекрасно. Это начало пути, по которому идут двое. Любовь превращается во что-то менее фееричное, но более прочное, становится основой, на которой строится что-то новое – взаимная поддержка, помощь и понимание, доверие и какое-то тёплое чувство радости, что он рядом, и что вы оба хотите этого.

И вроде бы ты уже всё знаешь о любви, но тут появляется ещё кое-кто!

Кто-то третий, но совсем не лишний… а очень даже желанный вами обоими.

Ваша первая встреча, которой предшествовала целая ночь боли, усталости, изнеможения, запомнится как один миг – вспышка пронизавшего до самых дальних уголков души взгляда бездонных синих глаз и слёзы счастья от того, как же она всё-таки прекрасна! И весь мир теряет значение в тот момент, вся вселенная вмещается в этом взгляде, вот он – ответ, ради этого стоит жить, ради этого можно и умереть.

И снова ты знакомишься с любовью. Оказывается, ты вовсе не любила никогда! Ради кого ещё ты могла бы столько не спать, не есть, не общаться ни с кем, не заниматься ничем, кроме неё и… много петь?!

И кто смог бы после стольких бессонных ночей и изнурительных дней заставить тебя улыбнуться и почувствовать себя самой счастливой на Земле одним лишь словом «мама»? Одним лишь шагом тебе навстречу, одной улыбкой, первыми словами «я тебя юбью»…

И кажется, что сердце стало больше – любовь иного рода поселилась в нём.

Она растёт, меняется, взрослеет. Когда-то в её жизни мама уже не будет иметь такого значения, но пока… пока я упиваюсь её восторженным воплем на весь садик «мама пришла!», запахом её волос, теплотой её маленьких ручонок, обвивающих мою шею, её озорным и таким взрослым взглядом, её новыми словами и свершениями, детскими, но ставящими в тупик, вопросами и понимаю, что всё, чего я хочу в жизни, это чтобы она была счастлива!

 

Но я не просто так хочу, чтобы хотеть. Мне нужно! Нужно знать, почему мы поругались, знать, из-за чего она упрямится, понимать, чего она боится, почему плачет и смеётся одновременно, что она ищет, молча глядя на звёзды, и по какой причине так трудно сходится с людьми.

У меня много вопросов, которых я не нахожу в себе.

Я знаю одно – она не моя ксерокопия, хоть мы и похожи внешне, она другая, и я хочу иметь личный вход в её мир, дверь в её сердце, которую она откроет мне сама, а не которую я проломлю.

Мама – это не звание, не профессия и не хобби, это образ жизни, это необратимая перемена в привычном существовании, новая жизнь, в которой большую часть занимает объект твоей любви, и настоящее искусство – это увидеть в нём личность, а не отражение себя. Отдельного, далеко не всегда похожего человека, имеющего свои собственные мечты, цели и желания, и попытаться понять его вместо реализации своих стремлений за его счёт.

Ребёнок – не способ воплощения родительских мечтаний, а полноценная личность, способная стать счастливой по-своему!

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